the lost wisdom,

sooo 2 weeks ago on saturday i had an operation on my mouth.

i got my wisdom teeth removed ):

it was a traumatic experience and my mouth is still healing baaaw

but luckily i got sedated so i woke up drooly and swollen without having to see the specialist's hand in my mouth (Y)

i'm really frightened by dentists and doctors, not that i have no interest in being their best friend or anything... but i just really do not enjoy these things D:

anyways, when i got home, the first 4 hours were absolutely painful - especially having to change the gauze in my already bloody and large mouth. (ps. you're welcome)

the painkillers didn't really help for the pain, and they also didn't knock me out which amazed both me and my mom haha

i mean, i needed to get them extracted cause if they came in any more they would obstruct the way my teeth are aligned; and because i've been blessed with buck teeth, i needed to have this operation before getting braces, but i'll get to that in a bit..

so for the whole week i was pretty much out of my commission but i still went to class and did my assignments which i am proud of! .. but i also wish i took advantage of extended deadlines haha

the most excruciating part of it all, was not being able to eat =_________=

i looovelovelove food&eating, and honestly i can go without not eating .. but being told i CANT, suddenly made me want to eat everything and anything possible. granted, i lost weight by not eating the usual shit i do, but it was so painful. like your stomach starts to eat everything inside your body and then you become weak and araghoauhef;abf.

.... but anyways, i can almost eat anything and everything now!

however the gross part is that you can feel when food gets stuck ): which really puts me off from eating. but im just so hungry rofl

yeah! so i am getting something called SixMonthSmiles which is basically a brace bracket in my mouth that should take 6-9 months to get straight(er) teeth! i'm excited but i probably won't be smiling for a long time haha cause now i'll be even more self conscious of my mouth YAAY

anywho, i can't wait for a straighter smile and i'll probably be documenting my experience just because none of my friends have had SMS and just braces. they do around the same thing, but won't fix my minimal crossbite in the back of my mouth. i'm excited that i won't have to have braces for minimum of a year+ though! (:

neglect

auuuugh.

okay turning over a new page.

going to do this blog for me and me only! (.. and if anyone ever decides to come across my ramblings)

i need to keep a record of what i'm doing and how i'm feeling so i get better at expressing myself rofl!

and so i don't become a scatterbrain.

okeydokey! going to be doing some remodeling for my posts weow

stolen, i know - but i had to repost this!

this is so eloquently and beautifully written.

"What happens when you fall in love with a writer? Lots of things might happen. That's the thing about writers. They're unpredictable. They might bring you eggs in bed for breakfast, or they might all but ignore you for days. They might bring you eggs in bed at three in the morning. Or they might wake you up for sex at three in the morning. Or make love at four in the afternoon. They might not sleep at all. Or they might sleep right through the alarm and forget to get you up for work. Or call you home from work to kill a spider. Or refuse to speak to you after finding out you've never seen To Kill A Mockingbird. Or spend the last of the rent money on five kinds of soap. Or sell your textbooks for cash halfway through the semester. Or leave you love notes in your pockets. Or wash your pants with Post-It notes in the pockets so your laundry comes out covered in bits of wet paper. They might cry if the Post-It notes are unread all over your pants. It's an unpredictable life.

But what happens if a writer falls in love with you?

This is a little more predictable. You will find your hemp necklace with the glass mushroom pendant around the neck of someone at a bus stop in a short story. Your favorite shoes will mysteriously disappear, and show up in a poem. The watch you always wear, the watch you own but never wear, the fact that you've never worn a watch: they suddenly belong to characters you’ve never known. And yet they're you. They're not you; they're someone else entirely, but they toss their hair like you. They use the same colloquialisms as you. They scratch their nose when they lie like you. Sometimes they will be narrators; sometimes protagonists, sometimes villains. Sometimes they will be nobodies, an unimportant, static prop. This might amuse you at first. Or confuse you. You might be bewildered when books turn into mirrors. You might try to see yourself how your beloved writer sees you when you read a poem about someone who has your middle name or prose about someone who has never seen To Kill A Mockingbird. These poems and novels and short stories, they will scatter into the wind. You will wonder if you're wandering through the pages of some story you’ve never even read. There's no way to know. And no way to erase it. Even if you leave, a part of you will always be left behind.

If a writer falls in love with you, you can never die." — Unknown

strangers again

I think that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places. I'll always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time, and I'll be thankful for that. And hope that wherever you are, that you'll be thankful too. And I think that's the best we can wish for.

heh heh..

im back im back im back

tumblr was a little distracting for me, and i never really ended up doing posts as i did just reblogging shit ...

beauty.

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

it's easy to forget.
forget what we're worth, what we're made of and what we have.
i, like any other human being, forget to remind myself of these very things as well.
i nitpick, i critique and i hate how i look sometimes. but you know, it's how you overcome these obstacles that make our lives so much more valuable.
i think we hit a point in our lives where we realize what we've got is everything we want.
as long as these things make us happy, why should we jeopardize how we feel about ourselves or others?
if i'm happier working out a lot, then why stop. if i'm happier eating the foods i like, than dieting on the foods i can't stand - why start the impossible? everything should be done and appreciated in moderation, but like i said - if you're happy, why change.
torturing ourselves isn't going to bring us joy and excitement; but people forget that.

and if we keep comparing ourselves from where we are and where we should be, we'll get nowhere.

& in the words of Oprah: Be thankful for what you have and you will end up having more. But if you concentrate on what you don't have, you'll never, ever have enough.



beauty is in the eye of the beholder folks (:

stay sweet & gorgeous! <3

truth or truth

It's true we don't know what we've got until its gone, but we dont know what we've been missing until it arrives ♥

PARADOXICAL

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space, but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; big men and small character; steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce; fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember to say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember to say "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." — Dr. Bob Moorehead, The Paradox of Our Age

what's justice?

so all around the world and invading our tv shows, breaking news has erupted of a death.

the death of Osama Bin Laden.

now i assume this is a bit of a biased post simply because i am canadian and my pride is much different than those of the americans (nationally speaking, no offense intended), but my opinions - i am sure - do not differ too much of other global views.

i just find it highly ironic how americans can cheer so loudly and proudly for the death of osama.

they're calling this "a win on the fight against hatred", "justice finally being served" and using karma/God for this glorious act.

brb, needing to sleep.

an eye for an eye, nothing is solved - we're just all too blind to see.

pet peevery

i have a certain strong dislike when it comes to waiting.

patience? no. not patience, i'm a very patient person when i have reason to be patient.

waiting in the sense where i'm literally standing/sitting by myself for 30 minutes or more on someone that gives me very little notice that they will be late/or are stuck in traffic/etc etc, or when they know they'll be late and choose not to change the time even though it could have been easily done.

and don't get we wrong, i've been late to a gathering or a meeting before (though i try my best not to be), so i'm not saying everyone needs to be perky and there 10 minutes before hand.

i'm saying, if you think you're already going to have difficulty getting there at a specific time, speak up - or let me/any other party members know so that we don't have to be blindly waiting.

i think it's incredibly rude and disrespectful, especially if you make a habit out of it.

for everyone else, me included, we all planned our schedules accordingly to wake up/get dressed/catch the appropriate transit or car ride just to get our asses there either early or on time - so the least you could do is make at least half the effort. =___=;

and the thing about waiting is that when it gets to the point of 20-30 minutes and anything beyond that, when i see your face, it's really hard for me to be happy.

like at that point, i'm honestly just so tired from waiting, by myself.

side note: i really don't like being alone.

like, k that sounds terribly dependent and lame but i just get very anxious (bordering panic attack if it's a crazy scenario) and uncomfortable when i'm alone.

it's a huge insecurity i have but i can't help it.

so i usually immerse myself heavily in my music or play games, etc.

otherwise i'm a huge anxious stress case.

a real catch, i know.

but yeah - this stuff just irks me.

and i'm usually the one that always waits for everything when it comes to hanging out - no matter what group or function.

"you should be late next time!" but then i feel like that just creates a huge cycle of being late for times to come.

raaaawr

lost in translation

quelqu’un m’a dit

i’m told that our lives aren’t worth much,

they pass like an instant, like wilting roses.
i’m told that time slipping by is a bastard
making its coat of our sorrows.
yet someone told me…

that you still loved me
someone told me…
that you still loved me.
well ? could that be possible?

i’m told that fate makes fun of us,
that it gives us nothing and promises everything,
when happiness seems to be within our reach,
we reach out and find ourselves like fools.
yet someone told me…

that you still loved me
someone told me…
that you still loved me.
well ? could that be possible?

well ? could that be possible?

so who said that you still loved me?
i don’t remember any more, it was late at night,
i can still hear the voice, but i can no longer see the face,
“he loves you, it’s secret, don’t tell him i told you.”
you see, someone told me

that you still loved me
did someone really tell me?
that you still loved me
well, could that be possible?

i’m told that our lives aren’t worth much,
passing in an instant, like wilting roses,
i’m told that time slipping by is a bastard,
making its coat of our sadnesses.

that you still loved me
someone told me…
that you still loved me.
well ? could that be possible?

so let me know

an introduction to my pet peeves.

scenario uno

hey!

hi!

how are you?

i'm good

..

good luck with finals!

thanks!

scenario deux.

hey

hi

what's up?

n2m

i get it.

it's the unbearable moment you see someone you thought you wouldn't come across,

and you've got to muster up enough tolerance to have a civilized conversation.

... uh k, the least you could do is respond with a "you?"

just once.

COME ON.

it'd be nice to know you can at least pretend to be interested in my life the way i'm pretend interested in yours ):

common decency ):

it's conversations like that which really irk me.

i just don't understand why someone can't briefly say in passing "oh i'm good thanks, you?"

):

you may not like me, but chances are you probably aren't my bestie either.

and with that being said,

ASK IT BACK, BITCH.

"don't forget my love."

penny for your thoughts

Beauty without intelligence is a masterpiece painted on a napkin

moments of solitude

it's hard.

relationships are hard.

friendships are hard.

people are hard.

i wish i had more to blog about.

so much has been happening, with nothing even happening at all.

last month boy and i broke up.

it was a short official relationship, but we were (or i hoped he was..) emotionally together since november

it's a tough situation. it was a love triangle i guess?

two good friends that were polar opposite yet so much the same.

anyways - it was a teeter totter of emotions going back and forth between happiness and sadness.

everything was right and wrong at the exact same time.

he convinced me and "fought" for my affection

and, i trusted him.

i trusted him against all odds, against what one of my best friends told me, against what the group told me.

i trusted him based on his words.

and he let me down.

i was no longer a gf, i was a chore he felt obligated to see.

.. well, twice a week anyways.

and at night time.

(i was basically a friend with benefits.)

and everytime i brought up my feelings, he made me feel like i was wrong.

as if what is aid didn't matter unless it was a problem that had a definitive answer.

but things aren't like that in a relationship

i'm not trying to solve a math equation, i'm trying to accommodate feelings and emotions.

not everything can be so easily defined as right or wrong, and not everything has a solution.

between white and black is grey, a compromise made between the two.

we never had that.

and you know, i wanted grey.

i wanted grey and every other colour that came with it.

i never wanted to end things, that wasn't my intention.

it was tough you know?

i wanted to see him, and he wanted to see my best friend.

and now it's like. i feel that the relationship between him and her after the breakup is a lot stronger than her and mine now.

a lot of the breakup was because of that. i want to feel wanted. i want to feel needed.

i'm done being second place.

regardless of his intentions and whether or not she was aware, i'm sitting here every day&night thinking about other people's feelings, and it'd be nice to know someone thought of mine.

and, it's not like we were in love.

i'm upset with how the situation has ended up.

he's not the one that impacted my heart, what happened between me and my supposed best friend and how he can so easily brush me off bothers me.

i'm just so disappointed in everything and i feel like a fool.

but i guess everything happens for a reason in the end, right?

"everything that shines, ain't always gonna be gold."

megapuss

To the love within that goes without saying anything.

To the love without that goes about again and again and again.

double take

make something out of nothing,

but never make nothing out of something.

congratulations for making nothing out of something.

i trusted you.

take a second.

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t always promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn, with every good-bye you learn." -- Veronica A. Shoffstall

devastation

the 8.9 earthquake that occurred in Japan on Friday was one of the 5th largest earthquakes to be endured across the world.

what's happening in this country is beyond devastating and heartbreaking.

i've been watching CNN and dateline and every other news network focusing on Japan.

all i feel like doing is bawling.

it's so upsetting and disheartening to hear about the tragedy that is happening to this country, in which the aftershocks and tsunami's are also affecting surrounding countries.

the earthquake brought aftershocks (more than 20), tsunami's (some higher than 8ft), flooding of cities (vanishing towns and villages), volcanic eruptions and over 1600 lives lost with tens of thousands of those missing. and to add to these tragedies, 5 nuclear power plants are under observation in fear of explosions. the #2 power plant in Fukushima has already exploded leaving 22 with radioactive exposure and 5 dead (i'm guessing there may be more) and apparently another power plant is in danger of exploding as well.

*i had no idea but apparently on youtube and social networking sites some Americans were claiming how "Japan deserved this earthquake" and some other shit about "that's what you get for the Pearl Harbour bombing" - no country deserves to have a 8.9 magnitude earthquake killing tens of thousands, destroying villages and separating family and friends from one another. and may i just add how unbelievably immature, inconsiderate, heartless that sort of comment is that adds to the ignorance and stupidity one person or group can hold. you are a plague to mankind for even thinking that a country deserves tragedy like this. it makes me sick to my stomach how clueless people are to the feelings of others. im not saying you have to have a heart of gold to truly appreciate what's happening, you just have to have a fucking pulse to know that this is not right. i actually feel like throwing up. how about you turn on the tv and open your eyes to the other side of the world. devastation isn't subtle and this situation is more than obvious with the pain and depression these people are going through.

i have relatives in Japan. they aren't in Sendai, they are in the middle-ish area of the coast line. we heard from some of them that they are okay and there wasn't a lot of damage done, but we haven't been able to get in contact with all of them. let alone our communicative Japanese isn't up to par especially with the traditional language that my elder relatives hold but hopefully we can get some word of them through our relatives in Alberta who keep better contact.

this is more than just a physical disaster with fallen buildings and broken bridges.

its a strenuous and tiring toll emotionally and mentally.

this is a highly traumatic event to happen amongst children, adults and elders.

the devastation in Japan is heartbreaking and terrifying, donations may be made via toll free phone at 1-800-418-1111 or online at www.redcross.ca/helpnow and you can designate it for the “Japan Earthquake Relief”. You can also text donations in $5 increments to 30333 and type in ASIA.

(i hope everyone recognizes how unexpected life is and to appreciate what you have - simple necessities like food, water, and the gift of love.)

praying hoping wishing

timestamps,

: and when we stop and think it through, the idea of 'us' was not for you.

i'm happy you're happy with who you've found

i'm happy i'm happy with who i've found

closure is an ambiguous gem

it's both beautiful yet heart-wrenching at the same time

its that exact moment of realization that what was once, no longer is and that a new page has begun for two separate souls.

finals

HI WTF

WHY CANT I MAKE THE FONT 'SMALLEST'

THIS IS GOING TO HARSH STRESS ME OUT

it's terrible, i know

my neglect, my procrastination

BAH

anyways

ive been super busy with school work

i think i'm doing better this year than i am last year

well at least, i hope i am because i'm trying a lot harder

obviously there are many things i need to work on to improve my work habits, but it's a step right?

i'm so indecisive in what i want to be

i want to be a teacher

i love helping people, educating and dealing with children.

however

i love interacting with people,

so i wouldn't mind being in public relations or perhaps human resources

they are both tough yet rewarded jobs i believe

(to each their own, right?)

it's just a little overwhelming to know i don't have a set plan in mind

(i know, whatever will be will be)

but it's hard to let 'it be' when 'it' costs over 2100 a semester

i need to be more proactive on my aspirations though

i need to go volunteer at day cares, schools, summer schools and be around what i want.

this post will be short and sweet because i have a major papers to write

i don't know why but i just can't stay focused on these papers

i end up getting excited over the topic then i lose my track so quickly because i speak so broadly about it

i ramble on and on and i end up repeating myself.

i really do feel like crying, everything i write seems so insufficient to those around me.

):