penny for your thoughts

Beauty without intelligence is a masterpiece painted on a napkin

moments of solitude

it's hard.

relationships are hard.

friendships are hard.

people are hard.

i wish i had more to blog about.

so much has been happening, with nothing even happening at all.

last month boy and i broke up.

it was a short official relationship, but we were (or i hoped he was..) emotionally together since november

it's a tough situation. it was a love triangle i guess?

two good friends that were polar opposite yet so much the same.

anyways - it was a teeter totter of emotions going back and forth between happiness and sadness.

everything was right and wrong at the exact same time.

he convinced me and "fought" for my affection

and, i trusted him.

i trusted him against all odds, against what one of my best friends told me, against what the group told me.

i trusted him based on his words.

and he let me down.

i was no longer a gf, i was a chore he felt obligated to see.

.. well, twice a week anyways.

and at night time.

(i was basically a friend with benefits.)

and everytime i brought up my feelings, he made me feel like i was wrong.

as if what is aid didn't matter unless it was a problem that had a definitive answer.

but things aren't like that in a relationship

i'm not trying to solve a math equation, i'm trying to accommodate feelings and emotions.

not everything can be so easily defined as right or wrong, and not everything has a solution.

between white and black is grey, a compromise made between the two.

we never had that.

and you know, i wanted grey.

i wanted grey and every other colour that came with it.

i never wanted to end things, that wasn't my intention.

it was tough you know?

i wanted to see him, and he wanted to see my best friend.

and now it's like. i feel that the relationship between him and her after the breakup is a lot stronger than her and mine now.

a lot of the breakup was because of that. i want to feel wanted. i want to feel needed.

i'm done being second place.

regardless of his intentions and whether or not she was aware, i'm sitting here every day&night thinking about other people's feelings, and it'd be nice to know someone thought of mine.

and, it's not like we were in love.

i'm upset with how the situation has ended up.

he's not the one that impacted my heart, what happened between me and my supposed best friend and how he can so easily brush me off bothers me.

i'm just so disappointed in everything and i feel like a fool.

but i guess everything happens for a reason in the end, right?

"everything that shines, ain't always gonna be gold."

megapuss

To the love within that goes without saying anything.

To the love without that goes about again and again and again.

double take

make something out of nothing,

but never make nothing out of something.

congratulations for making nothing out of something.

i trusted you.

take a second.

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t always promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn, with every good-bye you learn." -- Veronica A. Shoffstall

devastation

the 8.9 earthquake that occurred in Japan on Friday was one of the 5th largest earthquakes to be endured across the world.

what's happening in this country is beyond devastating and heartbreaking.

i've been watching CNN and dateline and every other news network focusing on Japan.

all i feel like doing is bawling.

it's so upsetting and disheartening to hear about the tragedy that is happening to this country, in which the aftershocks and tsunami's are also affecting surrounding countries.

the earthquake brought aftershocks (more than 20), tsunami's (some higher than 8ft), flooding of cities (vanishing towns and villages), volcanic eruptions and over 1600 lives lost with tens of thousands of those missing. and to add to these tragedies, 5 nuclear power plants are under observation in fear of explosions. the #2 power plant in Fukushima has already exploded leaving 22 with radioactive exposure and 5 dead (i'm guessing there may be more) and apparently another power plant is in danger of exploding as well.

*i had no idea but apparently on youtube and social networking sites some Americans were claiming how "Japan deserved this earthquake" and some other shit about "that's what you get for the Pearl Harbour bombing" - no country deserves to have a 8.9 magnitude earthquake killing tens of thousands, destroying villages and separating family and friends from one another. and may i just add how unbelievably immature, inconsiderate, heartless that sort of comment is that adds to the ignorance and stupidity one person or group can hold. you are a plague to mankind for even thinking that a country deserves tragedy like this. it makes me sick to my stomach how clueless people are to the feelings of others. im not saying you have to have a heart of gold to truly appreciate what's happening, you just have to have a fucking pulse to know that this is not right. i actually feel like throwing up. how about you turn on the tv and open your eyes to the other side of the world. devastation isn't subtle and this situation is more than obvious with the pain and depression these people are going through.

i have relatives in Japan. they aren't in Sendai, they are in the middle-ish area of the coast line. we heard from some of them that they are okay and there wasn't a lot of damage done, but we haven't been able to get in contact with all of them. let alone our communicative Japanese isn't up to par especially with the traditional language that my elder relatives hold but hopefully we can get some word of them through our relatives in Alberta who keep better contact.

this is more than just a physical disaster with fallen buildings and broken bridges.

its a strenuous and tiring toll emotionally and mentally.

this is a highly traumatic event to happen amongst children, adults and elders.

the devastation in Japan is heartbreaking and terrifying, donations may be made via toll free phone at 1-800-418-1111 or online at www.redcross.ca/helpnow and you can designate it for the “Japan Earthquake Relief”. You can also text donations in $5 increments to 30333 and type in ASIA.

(i hope everyone recognizes how unexpected life is and to appreciate what you have - simple necessities like food, water, and the gift of love.)

praying hoping wishing

timestamps,

: and when we stop and think it through, the idea of 'us' was not for you.

i'm happy you're happy with who you've found

i'm happy i'm happy with who i've found

closure is an ambiguous gem

it's both beautiful yet heart-wrenching at the same time

its that exact moment of realization that what was once, no longer is and that a new page has begun for two separate souls.